Written by Kim Kardashi-un Monday, 11 March 2013
Frustrated by repeated outbursts that were considered "showing off" and "disrespectful," the Supreme Leader of North Korea, Kim Jong-un, canceled his weekly playdate with a neighbor boy, Ri Yong-ho, who lives just south of Kim Jong-un's massive Ryongsong Residence palace complex in Pyongyang.
The Yong-ho family has provided playdates with leaders of North Korea since 1953, but it has been widely reported that the Supreme Leader, estimated to be 30 years old, now won't play Cowboys and Indians or Kick the Can with 12-year-old Yong-ho anymore. To add further insult to the trashed friendship, Kim Jong-un won't even answer the tin-can phone attached to a string that the young men had used for years to communicate the latest potential game of Connect Four or guess at which of the neighboring girls have "cooties" or not.
"I'm not speaking with him no more," said Jong-un from his throne of platinum and ivory tusks shaped to his likeness. "He was acting all like a big-shot and stuff, telling me how he beat me at jacks, when he knows full well the Supreme Leaders never lose at anything, especially Jacks, which I'm awesome at...Add a comment
Written by Chillie Palmer Monday, 28 January 2013
Sparked by a rumor heard on the elementary school playgrounds, eight-year-old snowball-rights activist Pepper Neighbors has spent most of her free time between ballet classes and freeze tag amassing a huge arsenal of snowballs in her "Snowmageddon Bunker."
"I heard from Tommy that Obama did some president stuff and was now coming to take away my snowballs," noted Neighbors. "And Tommy is in fourth grade, so he knows about these things. But I love my snowballs, and I'll never let Obama take away my secondary manendment right to have a huge pile of them and throw them at stuff."
After witnessing Ms. Neighbors compiling hundreds of snowballs in her five-foot-tall snow fort, a neighbor and snowball-control proponent Marty Pooper reported the activity to her parents.
"Why does anyone need to have that many snowballs?" asked Pooper, after returning from a neighborhood party that he apparently wasn't invited to. "Isn't, say, 10 snowballs enough to keep the stray dogs away or have a snowball fight with your friends? I really think her parents are...Add a comment
Written by A.J. Fourtyseven Wednesday, 23 January 2013
The National Rifleman's Association (NRA) has countered President Barack Obama's gun-safety measures with a proposal of its own: "Emergency Assault Rifles" (EARs) in breakable-glass cases placed in the hallways of every school, university, post office, stadium, building, restaurant, bar and house--any place that such an EAR can fit.
"We've listened to the gun manufacturers, and based on their input, we believe this is the best solution to the terrible problem of not enough armed civilians using guns to take care of disturbances on their own," said Wayne LeWhatever, NRA executive vice president. "We realized that paying for several armed guards in every building across America would be overly expensive, so the portable EAR solved all of those cost issues. Schools and offices only need to pay for several of the breakable-glass-cased EARs upfront, and there no longer are any costs involved after that--except for possibly an annual training class so all of the employees and students can learn how to operate an assault...Add a comment
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