Mars Rover Loses 'America's Got Talent' Final to Dog Rover Whose Bark Sorta Sounds Like 'Who Let the Dogs Out?'
Written by Mary Canculture Sunday, 02 December 2012
In a surprising blowout finale, Mars Rover Curiosity, the NASA robot that traveled 350 million miles to the planet Mars, descended through the atmosphere at 3.6 miles per second, landed 1.5 miles from its exact intended destination and then has proceeded to take samples, measurements and photographs of an entirely different planet, lost convincingly to "Rover," a four-year-old Pekingese who can make a barking noise that somewhat resembles Baha Men's classic line "Who Let the Dogs Out?"
"Although I have respect for what the Mars Rover has done, and it's certainly cool in a 'sciency' kind of way, it just couldn't compete with the God-given talent that Rover displayed for our audience worldwide," said Howie Mandel, a judge initially famous for inflating a plastic glove on his head. "The first time I heard that distinctive bark, perfectly timed to the background music, it was over for me. Rover has what it takes to be a celebrity icon in this country, and some 'whiz-bang' mechanical vacuum cleaner just can't compete with that kind of star power."
NASA scientists were obviously...Add a comment
Written by Cam Painagain Sunday, 25 November 2012
Almost immediately after President Barack Obama won re-election, Republican leaders promised they would do everything in their power to prevent Obama from winning a third term as president, but that this time it would work.
"Sure, I promised after the last election that my main priority was making sure Obama was a 'one-term president,'" said Republican Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell. "And no, that didn't exactly work out. But this time, I'm really, really confident we can keep him from being elected for a third term."
Part of that newfound confidence lies in the 22nd Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, which clearly states that U.S. presidents can only serve two terms in office. And since its passage, no president has tried to question the legitimacy of the Constitution they swore to protect under all costs.
However, former vice presidential candidate, part-time governor and reality TV star Sarah Palin quickly jumped into the fray to...Add a comment
Republican Leaders Urging All Its Candidates to Sign 'I Will Never Say the Word 'Rape' Under Any Circumstances' Pledge
Written by Tank Myparty Friday, 26 October 2012
To quell the bleeding from the latest of several negatively received comments about rape and how it may have some sort of "upside" in certain circumstances, GOP leaders are circulating a pledge and demanding that all of its candidates sign the document.
Part of the document reads, "I pledge that under no circumstances will I ever use the word 'rape' in any form, context or situation. I won't even say it amongst close friends, as you never know who has a hidden camera. Any time I even think of the word 'rape' in my head, after signing this document, I will bite one of my fingers so hard that it makes my eyes water and the word disappears from my brain, and all I think about is the harmless, intense pain in my digit."
The pledge was written by Grover Norquist, who is famous for writing the No Tax Pledge which most Republican lawmakers and candidates have signed.
"It's my theory that Republicans simply need a public declaration to keep them from doing something harmful to themselves and our party, marital fidelity excluded, of course, but...Add a comment
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