Written by Howdy Westwaswon Monday, 01 April 2013
In a sight that was breathtaking to see in its beauty and yet sad in its nostalgia for a "simpler" time, the last-known herd of free-range snowmobiles was briefly spotted in February charging across Steamboat Lake. It's believed the elusive wild pack was heading from Sand Mountain to Hahn's Peak to frolic in the fresh tracks there and hunt for dwindling sources of wild fossil fuels.
"It brought a tear to my eye, I can tell you that," said Josey Gales, an 85-year-old North Routt local and regular patron at Hahn's Peak Cathouse, a domesticated snowmobile outfitter and brothel in the area. "I've heard rumors of this 'lost herd,' but I never thought I'd actually see them. When they were gunning it, easily past 60 miles an hour, and so free and unencumbered of men, it reminded me of how the west used to be, when wild snowmobiles roamed all over these parts."
Gales lamented the lost 'wildness' no longer found in the modern era.
"Why does there have to be so much 'progress'?" added Gales, his eyes misting. "Now there's roads everywhere, and schools and healthcare facilities and such. I remember, in the good old days, there'd be nothing out here except the cold snows and a trusty 370-cc Polaris Colt 150 between your legs. And gas was free, just like our souls.
"Now there's all them tourist homos on their 500-pound behemoths with mirrors and hand warmers. Groomed trails and warming huts. It's sad," added Gales. "Where was I going with this?"Add a comment
Written by Opus Deidreamer Wednesday, 27 March 2013
Newly elected Pope Francis signaled a possible opening of Catholic doctrine by admitting he has seen "The Da Vinci Code," starring Tom Hanks, and thought it was "pretty good." He quickly countered that the book, written by Dan Brown, "was a little more complex."
"Don't get me wrong," added Pope Francis. "I will maintain the longstanding official church stance that Jesus was never married to Mary Magdalene nor had any children with her, but I don't think we need to demonize creators of art for having unusual theories. I don't think we should wage war against what some might consider blasphemy. One of the other teams out there does a lot of that, and I don't think it's good for PR."
Pope Francis went on to say that the acting in "The Da Vinci Code" was "first rate," and the plot arc was "riveting at times."
"And although I felt the treatment of albino monks was somewhat derogatory, they're a much smaller demographic than those who watch movies, so I don't want to make a big fuss about it," he added. "The albino monks know I support them, whether they self-flagellate or not. Rock on my pigment-challenged brothers."Add a comment
Written by Kim Kardashi-un Monday, 11 March 2013
Frustrated by repeated outbursts that were considered "showing off" and "disrespectful," the Supreme Leader of North Korea, Kim Jong-un, canceled his weekly playdate with a neighbor boy, Ri Yong-ho, who lives just south of Kim Jong-un's massive Ryongsong Residence palace complex in Pyongyang.
The Yong-ho family has provided playdates with leaders of North Korea since 1953, but it has been widely reported that the Supreme Leader, estimated to be 30 years old, now won't play Cowboys and Indians or Kick the Can with 12-year-old Yong-ho anymore. To add further insult to the trashed friendship, Kim Jong-un won't even answer the tin-can phone attached to a string that the young men had used for years to communicate the latest potential game of Connect Four or guess at which of the neighboring girls have "cooties" or not.
"I'm not speaking with him no more," said Jong-un from his throne of platinum and ivory tusks shaped to his likeness. "He was acting all like a big-shot and stuff, telling me how he beat me at jacks, when he knows full well the Supreme Leaders never lose at anything, especially Jacks, which I'm awesome at...Add a comment
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