American Girl Now Selling Real Girls to Match their Dolls

Written by Barbie Woodcry Tuesday, 17 April 2012

Building off the astonishingly successful selling of matching outfits for American Girl dolls and the young girls who own them, the seller of equally astonishingly high-priced dolls has announced a new product: girls who match successful doll models.

"It's just a natural eFor only $200,000, tasteful and refined would-be parents can adopt a real girl to match their American Girl dolls. The children come with matching outfits, pre-programmed manors, an adorable accent of parents' choice and a permanent desire to have whatever they want at all times, regardless of cost or need.For only $200,000, tasteful and refined would-be parents can adopt a real girl to match their American Girl dolls. The children come with matching outfits, pre-programmed manors, an adorable accent of parents' choice and a permanent desire to have whatever they want at all times, regardless of cost or need.xtension of our product line," says Marie Grace, senior marketing executive for the new Real Girl line of real girls. "Parents who can afford our dolls absolutely adored seeing their children in matching outfits with their playthings. It was unfair to exclude that kind of parent-imposed joy from those who don't have real children of their own. So if you're an upper-middle-class control freak, and want a child to match one of our dolls, we can supply that product to you."

The initial product launch is expected to include best-selling dolls such as McKenna in her tennis outfit, Ruthie in the always-adorable pink-and-black plaid outfit (with matching tea set), Julie in the popular non-edgy skateboarding outfit and Emily in a purple-flower sun dress. The dolls in this line...

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Following Basketball Playbook, Kentucky to become Two-Year College

Written by Kat Wilde Tuesday, 10 April 2012

Inspired by the school's successful men's basketball program, which recently won the NCAA National Championship, the University of Kentucky announced that starting next year it will become a solely two-year college and will no longer offer four-year degrees of anything.Building off its successful basketball blueprint, the University of Kentucky announced that it will only offer students a chance to attend the school for a maximum of two years, thus taking the pressure off of any basketball player suffering from the not-likely-to-make-the-NBA label of "senior." One of the most popular new non-NBA Finishing School Degree is "Big Styrofoam Hand Waving," considered a potentially booming industry in the new economy.Building off its successful basketball blueprint, the University of Kentucky announced that it will only offer students a chance to attend the school for a maximum of two years, thus taking the pressure off of any basketball player suffering from the not-likely-to-make-the-NBA label of "senior." One of the most popular new non-NBA Finishing School Degree is "Big Styrofoam Hand Waving," considered a potentially booming industry in the new economy.

"What we learned from our basketball team is that two years is more than enough to prepare someone to make millions of dollars in the 'real world,'" said University Dean Dean University. "Heck, our most successful former students only needed one year at Kentucky to learn the tools of their trade and make a lot of money in the NBA. So any other student should easily be able to get what they need from Kentucky in two years or less."

Ditching what the university considers "antiquated labels," the common references of freshman, sophomore, junior and senior will be replaced by first-year students being called...

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Hasbeen Announces New Line of Republican Candidate Toys

Written by Park Place Sunday, 25 March 2012

Hoping to cash in on the huge uptick in sales of its Etch-a-Sketch classic toy, thanks to its association with Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney, Hasbeen Toys is re-releasing several other new toys and games, each associated with a candidate for the Republican nomination.Hasbeen is releasing a full line of Republican Candidate toys, including the already famous Mitt Romney Etch-a-Sketch, the Rick Santorum God Simon and the Newt Gingrich Rubik's Cube that's easier to disassemble and "cheat on."Hasbeen is releasing a full line of Republican Candidate toys, including the already famous Mitt Romney Etch-a-Sketch, the Rick Santorum God Simon and the Newt Gingrich Rubik's Cube that's easier to disassemble and "cheat on."

According to Hasbeen, its stock surged 125 percent after one of Mitt Romney's key advisors likened his candidate to an Etch-a-Sketch, with the ability to erase and forget any previous position and start over with new ones with a simple upside-down shaking. Surprised and pleased with the ability of its toy to be used as a political prop, the toymaker is introducing additional new versions of older toys that it hopes to connect with each candidate.

For example, the Newt Gingrich Rubik's Cube will feature a very loose inner core, so if you aren't smart enough to actually solve the Cube, but want people to think you're really smart, you can "cheat on it" and easily disassemble the pieces and reassemble them to "solve" the puzzle and try and impress the really unintelligent...

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Local Satire???

Let's face it: Where you live is pretty ridiculous. Your local politicians are buffoons. Your local celebrities take themselves way too seriously. The general population, including yourself, is either completely crazy or almost there.

This is equally true whether you live in Hollywood, Miami or Sheboygan. It's just a matter of scale. But what can you do about it?

Satire. If you can't beat 'em, make fun of 'em, and you just might beat 'em that way ...

In its many forms, satire has proven to be a great equalizer. Jon Stewart is one of the most influential people in America. If not for Tina Fey, Sarah Palin might be Vice President of the United States. When people realize that something is ridiculous, it loses its power.

This is where The Pirate comes in. There are many great outlets that satirize the "big issues" (and we do that, too). But we've also perfected the art of Local Satire. As you can see from our successful model in Steamboat Springs, Colorado, no town is too small to be skewered.

You don't know those people or what their issues are, but the people in Steamboat do, and they think it's hilarious. And you can do the same in your area, whether a city, town, school, company or whatever. That's Local Satire, and you'll be surprised at how effective it can be.

Then you can sell your own local advertising and make a little money on the side.

So if you want to start your own Local Pirate Web page and newsletter, click HERE and start your voyage.

It's FREE, and templates are set up so all you have to do is write funny articles (but if you need help creating witty graphics, we can do that, too, for a small fee).

Each of your Local subscribers will also receive a FREE Global Pirate newsletter along with your own. We take care of the newsletters, too, and you can send it as often (or not) as you'd like.

And if you'd just like to contribute an article or two for our "global" page, just send in what you think is funny. If we like it, we'll publish it under your name and location. Unlike other satire publications, we want to hear from you.

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