Cinco de Mayo Declared Off Limits to White People Unless They Wear 'Kiss Me I'm Mexican' T-Shirt

Written by Juan Anothercerveza Tuesday, 07 May 2013

After witnessing yet another Cinco de Mayo celebration with endless amounts of 100-percent Caucasian young people get "shit-canned" drunk during this Mexican holiday of independence, the respective leaders of Mexico and Ireland announced a bilateral treaty declaring that any white person partaking in the annual festivities must, at a minimum, wear an enormous sombrero or a "Kiss Me I'm Mexican" t-shirt.Under a new Irish/Mexican treaty, white Cinco de Mayo partygoers must demonstrate a tiny bit of cultural effort to partake in the day's binge drinking, beyond just slurring "ya ya ya, arriba, arriba!!!"Under a new Irish/Mexican treaty, white Cinco de Mayo partygoers must demonstrate a tiny bit of cultural effort to partake in the day's binge drinking, beyond just slurring "ya ya ya, arriba, arriba!!!"

"It's just not respectful or fair to the good people of Mexico that drunken fratboys and skanky lushes use our beloved Day of Independence as an excuse to get hammered off their ass," said Enrique Peña Nieto, the current President of Mexico. "We have enough shit to deal with down here, and taking the blame for the drunken antics of white 20-somethings just isn't something we need any more. We realize we can't stop these kids from plowing through Coronas and tequila shots, but we can at least have some standards and requirements that make these gringos reflect, between vomiting sessions, on what it might be like to be Mexican and why this is an important holiday."

The unusual partnership with Ireland came about because the "Emerald...

Add a comment

Read more: Cinco de Mayo Declared Off Limits to White People Unless They Wear 'Kiss Me I'm Mexican' T-Shirt

 

B-Squared: The Metrosexual Realtors

Written by The Pirate Wednesday, 01 May 2013

,

Jordan Guarantees He'll Finish with More Rings than LeBron: 'I'll Get Married as Many Times as I Have To'

Written by Phil Crackson Monday, 15 April 2013

Legendary basketball player and failed basketball executive and owner Michael Jordan, upon hearing of LeBron James' recent engagement to long-time girlfriend Savannah Brinson, insinuated that James was merely trying to upstage him after he had announced his own engagement to Cuban model Yvette Prieto.Michael Jordan was photographed showing off his latest "unbeatable" ring collection of six NBA championship rings, two wedding rings and something on a chain he won in a poker game from "some short Baggins dude with big furry feet."Michael Jordan was photographed showing off his latest "unbeatable" ring collection of six NBA championship rings, two wedding rings and something on a chain he won in a poker game from "some short Baggins dude with big furry feet."

"I see what he's up to," noted Jordan between $50,000 hands of blackjack at the Wynn Casino in Las Vegas. "He finally gets an NBA championship, and he's coming after me. He sees that I'm getting married, upping my ring total to eight, and he's trying to get his up to two to stay competitive. But it ain't happening. I'll get married as many times as it takes. He'll never have more rings than me, no matter what he does."

Asked to clarify his ring total, as Jordan currently owns six NBA championship rings and isn't likely to earn another in this lifetime, Jordan noted that wedding rings count, as they're at least as expensive as winning an NBA title or purchasing an entire NBA team.

"It's not the ring that's expensive, of course," admitted Jordan. "But the wife upkeep and divorce settlement...

Add a comment

Read more: Jordan Guarantees He'll Finish with More Rings than LeBron: 'I'll Get Married as Many Times as I Have To'

 

Page 8 of 30

«StartPrev12345678910NextEnd»

Local Satire???

Let's face it: Where you live is pretty ridiculous. Your local politicians are buffoons. Your local celebrities take themselves way too seriously. The general population, including yourself, is either completely crazy or almost there.

This is equally true whether you live in Hollywood, Miami or Sheboygan. It's just a matter of scale. But what can you do about it?

Satire. If you can't beat 'em, make fun of 'em, and you just might beat 'em that way ...

In its many forms, satire has proven to be a great equalizer. Jon Stewart is one of the most influential people in America. If not for Tina Fey, Sarah Palin might be Vice President of the United States. When people realize that something is ridiculous, it loses its power.

This is where The Pirate comes in. There are many great outlets that satirize the "big issues" (and we do that, too). But we've also perfected the art of Local Satire. As you can see from our successful model in Steamboat Springs, Colorado, no town is too small to be skewered.

You don't know those people or what their issues are, but the people in Steamboat do, and they think it's hilarious. And you can do the same in your area, whether a city, town, school, company or whatever. That's Local Satire, and you'll be surprised at how effective it can be.

Then you can sell your own local advertising and make a little money on the side.

So if you want to start your own Local Pirate Web page and newsletter, click HERE and start your voyage.

It's FREE, and templates are set up so all you have to do is write funny articles (but if you need help creating witty graphics, we can do that, too, for a small fee).

Each of your Local subscribers will also receive a FREE Global Pirate newsletter along with your own. We take care of the newsletters, too, and you can send it as often (or not) as you'd like.

And if you'd just like to contribute an article or two for our "global" page, just send in what you think is funny. If we like it, we'll publish it under your name and location. Unlike other satire publications, we want to hear from you.

So, are you a Pirate?

Enter Amount:

Subscribe to The Pirate RSS Feed

Click the image below and get tickets for The End of the Boat as We Know It

Subscribe to The Pirate

You can have new content from The Pirate e-mailed to you as a newsletter as soon as it's available. No need to waste time browsing the Internet!

The Pirate will find you!

If you only want the "main" Pirate, select Global Pirate below.



Receive HTML?

Comment Highlights

Powered by Disqus
Mobile Version | Standard Version
Banner
© 2011 Ski Town Productions