New England Patriots and Denny's Partner on Anti-Tight-End Campaign

Written by Ike Bigbutts Sunday, 30 June 2013

Further sharpening their stances against tight ends, the NFL's New England Patriots and the Denny's breakfast franchise recently announced a partnership to co-promote their cause.For different reasons and via different means, the New England Patriots and Denny's breakfast franchises have partnered to create an "End the Tight End" campaign.For different reasons and via different means, the New England Patriots and Denny's breakfast franchises have partnered to create an "End the Tight End" campaign.

For its part, the Patriots have released a star player, Aaron Hernandez, a former tight end and current murder suspect, and are being evasive about the future of its other star tight end, the often-injured and more-often grabbing headlines for partying shirtless with strippers Rob Gronkowski.

"We've had nothing but trouble lately with tight ends," noted Patriots' coach Bill Belichick. "Sure, they were stars for us on the football field in recent years. But off the field, we obviously can't control them. So it's time to part ways with the whole concept of the tight end here in New England."

Belichick added that to make up for the lost receiving production, supermodel Gisele B√ľndchen will finally get her wish: fellow model, husband and Patriots' star quarterback Tom Brady will now be throwing as well as catching his own passes.

"We've designed several plays where Tom drops back, heaves the ball up into the air, runs downfield and then catches the ball," said Belichick. "The trick is...

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China Levels Hacking Charge at Obama, Claims U.S. Stole 'State Secrets' on How to Spy on Own Citizens

Written by Biggie Brother Wednesday, 19 June 2013

In a move that could derail the "positive vibes" from a recent retreat at the Sunnylands Estate in California, Chinese President Xi Jinping accused the U.S. federal government of hacking into China's computer network to steal its long-mastered secret tactics to monitor the activities of its civilians.U.S. President Barack Obama broke into a recent Verizon Wireless commercial and explained "Oh yeah, I can hear you now! And now! And most definitely, right damn now!!!"U.S. President Barack Obama broke into a recent Verizon Wireless commercial and explained "Oh yeah, I can hear you now! And now! And most definitely, right damn now!!!"

"What we've seen from the United States and its National Security Administration in the last few weeks is exactly the kind of thing we've been doing in China for more than 50 years," noted Jinping in a statement from Beijing. "The monitoring of all calls, the Internet surveillance, the persecution of whistleblowers and those who disagree with such practices. There's no way they could model our time-perfected techniques so accurately without directly accessing our computer files. Hack, hack, no take back!"

The charges are a strong role reversal, as the United States has long complained of major hacking schemes coming from mainland China. According to experts in the field, China appears to have hacked into U.S. energy, technology and defense computers and stolen billions of dollars in intellectual property.

But although China would have much to learn in these...

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CNN: Amendment 64

Written by The Pirate Tuesday, 11 June 2013

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Local Satire???

Let's face it: Where you live is pretty ridiculous. Your local politicians are buffoons. Your local celebrities take themselves way too seriously. The general population, including yourself, is either completely crazy or almost there.

This is equally true whether you live in Hollywood, Miami or Sheboygan. It's just a matter of scale. But what can you do about it?

Satire. If you can't beat 'em, make fun of 'em, and you just might beat 'em that way ...

In its many forms, satire has proven to be a great equalizer. Jon Stewart is one of the most influential people in America. If not for Tina Fey, Sarah Palin might be Vice President of the United States. When people realize that something is ridiculous, it loses its power.

This is where The Pirate comes in. There are many great outlets that satirize the "big issues" (and we do that, too). But we've also perfected the art of Local Satire. As you can see from our successful model in Steamboat Springs, Colorado, no town is too small to be skewered.

You don't know those people or what their issues are, but the people in Steamboat do, and they think it's hilarious. And you can do the same in your area, whether a city, town, school, company or whatever. That's Local Satire, and you'll be surprised at how effective it can be.

Then you can sell your own local advertising and make a little money on the side.

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And if you'd just like to contribute an article or two for our "global" page, just send in what you think is funny. If we like it, we'll publish it under your name and location. Unlike other satire publications, we want to hear from you.

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