The Pirate

Team to Saints' Fans: Don't become Louisiassholes

Written by Marty Graw Monday, 05 April 2010

New Orleans Saints' officials pleaded with its fan base to "not be like this guy," who had moments before tattooed the Saints logo on his balls.

After defeating the Indianapolis Colts 31-17 in Super Bowl XLIV, the New Orleans Saints and their energized fan base took to the streets of their beleaguered city for some well-deserved celebrations.

But after the team's victory parade, when they showed off their new trophy to their adoring fans, team ownership and management had some cautious words for their fans.

New Orleans Saints' officials pleaded with its fan base to "not be like this guy," who had moments before tattooed the Saints logo on his balls.

"Please, please don't become so obnoxious with our success that the rest of the country learns to hate us," warned team owner Tom Benson. "You may not remember this, but it wasn't that long ago that the country was really happy for the out-of-nowhere Tom Brady and the New England Patriots. We were all relieved when the Red Sox ended the Curse of the Bambino and...

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Palin Resigns from Fox News to Better Work for Fox News

Written by Ewe Betcha Monday, 05 April 2010

Former vice presidential candidate and former governor of Alaska Sarah Palin announced in a press conference today, in between book signings and paid speeches and television show pitches, that she has resigned from her position with Fox News, so she can "better serve the needs of Fox News."

"I'm doing today what's in the best interest of Fox News, and that's to resign from my position with them, so that I can work for them in other areas where I'm not bogged down by working for them," said Palin, who made sure to not look at her hand nor any perceived teleprompter at any time.

Announcing her abrupt resignation from Fox News, former everything Sarah Palin noted that "you can put a hook in a fish's mouth, but that doesn't make you Betty Crocker."

"When I pursued and accepted my job with Fox News, I always promised I would work diligently for them," she continued while winking and still making sure to not look at her hand. "So now the best way I can do that is to not work for them."

When confronted by confused...

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Tiger Woods Signs New Endorsement Deals

Written by Phil Landering Sunday, 04 April 2010

Tiger Woods may be a great driver on the golf course, but his bad driving on the road forced the superstar to confess his less than faithful ways, wrecking his marriage and prompting many of his sponsors to drop him like a toxic asset. You won't see Tiger driving a Buick or shaving with a Gillette Fusion razor on T.V. anymore. And Tiger has given Nike's "Just Do It" slogan a whole new meaning. Tiger "Just Did It." A lot. But, you can't keep a good man down, apparently, and now Tiger has several lucrative new endorsement deals either in the works or already in his golf bag of tricks, so to speak.

Legendary condom manufacturer Trojan has signed Tiger to a seven year, fifty million condom endorsement contract. Trojan director of marketing Willie Raincoat says that Tiger is a "perfect fit for our product. We are going to feature a new line of sized condoms, the one, two, and three Woods. Tiger's face will appear on all of our products and packaging, and we will tee off our campaign with full page ads in Hustler and Playboy magazines."

Also trying to cash in on Woods admission as a sex addict are several pharmaceutical companies planning to market patches to curb the sex drive. There will be sex patches for men and women, and they...

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Local Satire???

Let's face it: Where you live is pretty ridiculous. Your local politicians are buffoons. Your local celebrities take themselves way too seriously. The general population, including yourself, is either completely crazy or almost there.

This is equally true whether you live in Hollywood, Miami or Sheboygan. It's just a matter of scale. But what can you do about it?

Satire. If you can't beat 'em, make fun of 'em, and you just might beat 'em that way ...

In its many forms, satire has proven to be a great equalizer. Jon Stewart is one of the most influential people in America. If not for Tina Fey, Sarah Palin might be Vice President of the United States. When people realize that something is ridiculous, it loses its power.

This is where The Pirate comes in. There are many great outlets that satirize the "big issues" (and we do that, too). But we've also perfected the art of Local Satire. As you can see from our successful model in Steamboat Springs, Colorado, no town is too small to be skewered.

You don't know those people or what their issues are, but the people in Steamboat do, and they think it's hilarious. And you can do the same in your area, whether a city, town, school, company or whatever. That's Local Satire, and you'll be surprised at how effective it can be.

Then you can sell your own local advertising and make a little money on the side.

So if you want to start your own Local Pirate Web page and newsletter, click HERE and start your voyage.

It's FREE, and templates are set up so all you have to do is write funny articles (but if you need help creating witty graphics, we can do that, too, for a small fee).

Each of your Local subscribers will also receive a FREE Global Pirate newsletter along with your own. We take care of the newsletters, too, and you can send it as often (or not) as you'd like.

And if you'd just like to contribute an article or two for our "global" page, just send in what you think is funny. If we like it, we'll publish it under your name and location. Unlike other satire publications, we want to hear from you.

So, are you a Pirate?

Team to Saints' Fans: Don't become Louisiassholes

Palin Resigns from Fox News to Better Work for Fox News

Tiger Woods Signs New Endorsement Deals

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Local Satire???

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