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1 China Levels Hacking Charge at Obama, Claims U.S. Stole 'State Secrets' on How to Spy on Own Citizens Biggie Brother
2 Republicans Unveil New Benghazi Attack Line: Call It Ben-Gay-Zee Dawn Chagetit
3 'I Dare Obama to Try and Take Away My Snowballs!' Chillie Palmer
4 Congress Avoids Fiscal Cliff, Awaits Upcoming Battle over Fiscal F*ck You Winnie Willitend
5 Republicans Vow to Limit Obama to 'Two-Term President' Cam Painagain
6 Republican Leaders Urging All Its Candidates to Sign 'I Will Never Say the Word 'Rape' Under Any Circumstances' Pledge Tank Myparty
7 Romney Trashes Obamacare, Presents Plan to Provide Health Care Coverage for Frackers Connie Taminated
8 By Standard 5-4 Margin, Supreme Court Decides to Order Bar-B-Q, Watch American Dad! Lala Icanthearyou
9 Obama Unveils New Campaign Slogan: That-O-Way Hope Fading
10 Romney Promises to No Longer Remove Hair/Dignity of those Not as Awesome as Himself Harry Eye
11 Hasbeen Announces New Line of Republican Candidate Toys Park Place
12 Alabama Senator Rips Obama for Focusing on State of the 'Union,' Ignoring 'Confederacy' Redd Neck
13 Cain Mistress Confesses to Being Rove Plant Pete Sasauce
14 Obama Campaigning on 'Change I Can Actually Accomplish,' Promises New Facial Hair Martin Van Buren
15 Romney Withdraws from Presidential Race, Citing Fatal Flaw X. Treem Ideology
16 Dems Cave to Republican's Demands for Continuing Annual Softball Game, Lose 132-0 Sharon Balanced
17 Republicans Walk Out on Waffle City Breakfast Tab After Tax Included in Bill Noah Compromise
18 U.S. to Default on Debt, Declare Bankruptcy, Rent for Seven Years Fantasia Ownusnow
19 Blackmail Checks Up 30% After Schwarzenegger Baby-Mamma Announcement Conan A. Predator
20 Palin Resigns from Fox News to Better Work for Fox News Ewe Betcha
21 Bush to Obama: "Told You the Job Sucks" Mark Mywords
22 McCain/Palin Introduce New Slogan: "We're Not Smart ... Just Like You" Mary Hail
23 McCain Flatly Denies Rumor that He's Irish Lucy Charms
24 Clinton 'Ready for Ski Season on Day One' Duke Caucus
25 Bush Vows to Not be Lame Fu&k President Allhat Nobrains
26 Bush Sending Surge to Rainbow Gathering Wendy Willhistermbeover

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